Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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