sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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