fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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