Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
