I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
