I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
