and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
