I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
