Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
