you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
kristin has been a bad kristin
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
