i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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