I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
