I want to have your abortion
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
