So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
