We need to start having sex underwater more often.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
