You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My dick has a subreddit
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
