I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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