Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
