he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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