Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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