This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
