and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
