Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
