I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
