I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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