i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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