i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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