but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
