bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
