I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
