what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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