I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
