So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
