i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think people are normalizing furries
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
