Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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