I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
