ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
