you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I faked an abortion last night.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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