What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
