my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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