these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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