I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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