Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
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I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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