if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
