Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
