Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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