"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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