Can i not drive my cunt home
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
