Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
