In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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