well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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