I seem to have left my pride at pride
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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