dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize