You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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