Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
