I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There r osticjed everywhere
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
