Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
