God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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