I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
