Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
