Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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