I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
