I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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