you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
