She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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