he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
