she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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