doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
