Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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