that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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