yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
