how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize