does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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