Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
