Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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