I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Randomize
